Hello!
I know, I've sort of been MIA for a while (seven months!). I haven't really been updating my blog very much because so much has been going on in my life and I couldn't find the time or effort to put into keeping this blog alive. It's more work than it may seem to be, trust me. Anyways, let me explain why I have been gone for so long.
Well, I'll start back in April. In April, Eric and I decided to 'take a break' because we barely had time to talk to each other and also so I could work on myself (I'll get to that later in this post). Well, I am still grieving over all of that. Still. seven months later. I don't really know how to cope with it all or even how to grieve for it. He said that he doesn't love me anymore. That really tore me up inside. It kills me every single day. He is so beautiful. The emotional pain that I have to face every single day is unbearable.
I have struggled with anxiety and depression for pretty much most of my life. I have had my fair share of shrinks and prescriptions. My depression is extremely debilitating. It's an accomplishment just to get myself out of bed every morning. It feels like a million anchors tie me down. Yes, I still crack a smile, but I am dying inside behind that happy face.
I've been struggling more lately. I still can't accept the fact about what happened in April. Love is an indescribable thing because it is different for everyone, so I can't even begin to describe how hard this has hit me.Everything that I have had to go through throughout my entire life has all been piling up and this takes the cake. I am honestly so lost and sad all the time.I can't stand the sadness, but it is my best friend. Sadness is all that I've really known. Sadness, pain, rejection, abandonment: my everyday struggle. I don't know what I can say to make anyone understand how I feel inside. I am always filling my head with scenarios or events that won't happen or aren't even true just to worry myself even more. I can't sleep at night because so many thoughts race through my head and I worry and panic and cry.
I've basically been struggling with all of this the past seven months. Everything sort of went downhill for me due to a friend that had an extremely negative influence on me, but I was too dull to realize it before it was too late. I am still trying to recover. I have my good and bad days, just like anyone else. To me, this depression and anxiety is something no medicine or doctor can fix. It's something I have to figure out myself. I personally haven't benefited from any sort of therapy or pill. I need to be at peace with myself and accept things how they are. It's just extremely difficult for me to have peace when I cannot accept things how they are. I think I may post weekly updates of how I am doing, mentally, and sort of make a log of my journey to attempting to recover, and I hope that all of you will stick with me to help me through this. It truly means so much to me.
Thank you so much.
I know, I've sort of been MIA for a while (seven months!). I haven't really been updating my blog very much because so much has been going on in my life and I couldn't find the time or effort to put into keeping this blog alive. It's more work than it may seem to be, trust me. Anyways, let me explain why I have been gone for so long.
Well, I'll start back in April. In April, Eric and I decided to 'take a break' because we barely had time to talk to each other and also so I could work on myself (I'll get to that later in this post). Well, I am still grieving over all of that. Still. seven months later. I don't really know how to cope with it all or even how to grieve for it. He said that he doesn't love me anymore. That really tore me up inside. It kills me every single day. He is so beautiful. The emotional pain that I have to face every single day is unbearable.
I have struggled with anxiety and depression for pretty much most of my life. I have had my fair share of shrinks and prescriptions. My depression is extremely debilitating. It's an accomplishment just to get myself out of bed every morning. It feels like a million anchors tie me down. Yes, I still crack a smile, but I am dying inside behind that happy face.
I've been struggling more lately. I still can't accept the fact about what happened in April. Love is an indescribable thing because it is different for everyone, so I can't even begin to describe how hard this has hit me.Everything that I have had to go through throughout my entire life has all been piling up and this takes the cake. I am honestly so lost and sad all the time.I can't stand the sadness, but it is my best friend. Sadness is all that I've really known. Sadness, pain, rejection, abandonment: my everyday struggle. I don't know what I can say to make anyone understand how I feel inside. I am always filling my head with scenarios or events that won't happen or aren't even true just to worry myself even more. I can't sleep at night because so many thoughts race through my head and I worry and panic and cry.
I've basically been struggling with all of this the past seven months. Everything sort of went downhill for me due to a friend that had an extremely negative influence on me, but I was too dull to realize it before it was too late. I am still trying to recover. I have my good and bad days, just like anyone else. To me, this depression and anxiety is something no medicine or doctor can fix. It's something I have to figure out myself. I personally haven't benefited from any sort of therapy or pill. I need to be at peace with myself and accept things how they are. It's just extremely difficult for me to have peace when I cannot accept things how they are. I think I may post weekly updates of how I am doing, mentally, and sort of make a log of my journey to attempting to recover, and I hope that all of you will stick with me to help me through this. It truly means so much to me.
Thank you so much.
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